


detach

by brandywine421



Category: Daredevil (TV), Iron Fist (TV), Jessica Jones (TV), Luke Cage (TV), The Defenders (Marvel TV), The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Dissociative Identity Disorder, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Minor Luke Cage/Claire Temple, Multiple Personalities, Post-Episode: s01e08 The Defenders, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 11:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16240778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brandywine421/pseuds/brandywine421
Summary: The bed sinks slightly, not enough for a person but just enough for a ghost.He's here again, the breeze from her previously closed and locked window cool on her skin as his shadow fills her space.She dares to catch his hand and brings his frozen knuckles to her lips.  He lowers his body, tense but close enough to share the warmth of skin against her hands."Where do you live, kitty cat?"  She strums her fingers through his hair, clean, so he's capable of hygiene wherever he's squatting."Safe."  He kisses her knuckles, careful.  "You're safe.  Doesn't matter.""It does to me," she says.  "Want to make sure you're safe.  Please, Matt - ""Matt's dead," he says, pulling his makeshift mask over his eyes and sliding into the shadows.





	detach

**Author's Note:**

> Let's try this again! Thanks for the kind clicks & kudos from my first earlier draft, hopefully the story flows smoother this time. Let's call it a one-shot and enjoy!

_My dragonfly,_  
_my black-eyed fire, the knives in the kitchen are singing_  
_for blood, but we are at the crossroads, my little outlaw,_  
_and this is the map of my heart_

 

 

 

The bed sinks slightly, not enough for a person but just enough for a ghost.

He's here again, the breeze from her previously closed and locked window cool on her skin as his shadow fills her space.

"Hi," she whispers, fingers crossed under her sheets that he doesn't run.

"Late," he replies, tucking the sheets over her bare shoulder. "You didn't wear a jacket."

"You're not wearing a jacket either," she replies, daring to catch his hand and bring his frozen knuckles to her lips. He lowers his body, tense but close enough to share the warmth of skin against her hands.

"Where do you live, kitty cat?" She strums her fingers through his hair, clean, so he's capable of hygiene wherever he's squatting.

"Safe." He kisses her knuckles, careful. "You're safe. Doesn't matter."

"It does to me," she says. "Want to make sure you're safe. Do you have a keeper?"

"He doesn't want me, he doesn't need me. But he lets me stay. I'm sorry I died. I didn't mean to." He snaps to attention and slips off the bed, darting to the window.

"Please, Matt - "

"Matt's dead," he says, pulling his makeshift mask over his eyes and sliding into the shadows.  


* * *

 

Claire considers hiring Jessica to investigate but the woman's already on the case when she tracks her down to Colleen's dojo and then to the bar for discussion.

"Three nights a week, minimum," Colleen says. "He asks about Danny, crawls through my rafters and eats all the candy in the guest dish. Sometimes he sharpens my swords."

"Fuck," Jessica curses. "Me, too. He wakes me up and coos at me like a pigeon - "

Claire sighs. "Really?"

She scrubs a hand over her face. "He brings me wine, cheap shit like high school and makes me change the sheets. I asked Luke and he said he hasn't seen him - but he also told me Danny hadn't seen him. Meaning he didn't mention that Danny's out of the country."

Claire has a sour taste in her mouth and slides her finger across her phone.

"Why would Luke lie about that? I saw him a few days ago and he did not ask about Matt," Colleen frowns.

He actually answers and she wonders if that's a sign on it's own that something fishy. "Claire? What's going on?"

"Luke, I need you to tell me the truth. Absolute truth," Claire declares. "Have you seen Matt?"

The extended pause gives them their answer.

"Well that changes the profile, he's not just checking in on the girls," Colleen sighs.

"Wait - you've seen him?" Luke asks sharply. "When?"

"Jesus, Luke, we talked about this last week," Jessica groans.

There's shuffling on Luke's end of the line. "You didn't say that you'd seen him in person. I don't have a tail on him - "

She doesn't mean to gasp but she's shocked. _Betrayed_.

"Asshole, are you saying - " Jessica snatches the phone from her hand as if it will make her threat stronger.

"It's a long story and I gave him my word that I wouldn't tell anyone. He didn't mention that he's been going out," Luke cuts her off.

"He talks to you? Like, out loud with words?" Colleen asks.

She takes a deep breath and it seizes in her throat. Fuck Luke Cage.

"Yeah. We're obviously not on the same page here - and I gave Murdock my word that Claire, is she still there? I promised him I wouldn't get her involved so she has to be here to tell him how she knows."

"You're an asshole," she whispers but the phone lets out his frustrated sigh. "How did you find him? Where - "

"Until right now, as far as I know only two people knew he was alive. A friend came to me looking for medical equipment. Asking about you," Luke admits.

"You really are an asshole," Colleen says, squeezing her hand suddenly. " _Not fair_ ," she mouths at Claire and God, she loves her friends.

"I don't regret it and Murdock wasn't in any shape to be making decisions. I put him up in an apartment and he's walking on his own and eating two meals a day - which is progress but his doc still hasn't cleared him."

"He's parkouring around town every night making sure we're tucked into bed like good little girls, how is that not 'cleared'?" Jessica demands.

"He's really like a stray cat, he's probably visiting apartments all over town for snacks and cuddles," Colleen says. "Karen and Foggy are probably lying to us like Luke."

"I'll give you the address. He has therapy in an hour and we'll talk this out. His doc needs to know."

"We need to know, asshole. Text me the address," Claire snaps and ends the call. "I can't believe - "

Colleen tags out before they head for the subway since some people have to work for a living.

"I never let myself think about where he went when I moved out of Hell's Kitchen. Who took care of him when he got too hurt to make it home on his own," Claire admits. "Knowing Luke found him because he was looking for me..."

"It's not fair. I didn't know the Devil well, but you did. Luke knows you did. It wasn't his job to take your place. You wouldn't have fucked it up and let him wander into crazy people's houses."

"He's going to feel the full brunt of my wrath at some point, but I need to know what's going on."

Jessica nods, grinding her teeth. "I'll wait for you to give me permission to punch him in the dick."  


* * *

 

_"I don't know what you're talking about, Luke. The only places I've gone have been with you or - check the cameras, I'm not lying."_

Claire rolls her eyes in unison with Jessica and they step out of the kitchen where they've agreed to wait. They totally waited.

Matt doesn't react immediately but Luke huffs. "I'll check with the security desk. Be nice."

He's in loose gray sweats, a brace on his leg and a sling draped over his shoulders but not cradling either arm. "Who's - "

"Claire and Jessica. Forget us since last night?" she asks. Shouldn't he know that?

"Your friend doesn't want to say hello?" Jessica motions to the quickly closing bedroom door.

Matt doesn't respond apart from a slight upturn of his mouth. "I wasn't expecting guests. How did you find me?"

His posture's wrong, hunched as if he's in pain and Matt never shows his pain. This isn't her night visitor, this isn't Mike from the dumpster - this is someone else. "You - don't _remember_ , do you?"

He tilts his head, parsing her question. "What part?"

"You've been coming to see us, and Colleen," Jessica says and his face flashes with surprise.

He shakes his head. "No, I haven't seen any of you since Midland Circle."

"Are you sure?" Claire pushes. "Because I don't think your twin's been sneaking in my window."

Luke returns. "Nobody's seen him go in or out and the cameras are clear."

Matt covers his face with his hand and shivers. "Shit."

"What's going on, Matt?" Claire sits down warily on the couch beside him and squeezes his knee. "Please."

"Do I talk to you? What do I say? Do I recognize you?" Matt asks in a rush.

She knows what it's like to hold a ticking bomb and she feels like the countdown's already started. "You really don't remember?"

"Medic thinks I have DID, that's why he hasn't cleared me yet," Matt whispers. "Didn't have proof of it - "

"Thought I was your medic," Claire says as the weight of his words sink into her.

"What's DID again?" Jessica whispers behind her.

"Dissociative identity disorder," someone grumbles and she definitely doesn't expect Frank _Fucking_ Castle to step out of the bedroom. "Curt figures he's got at least 3 IDs. The sneaky one answers to 'Kitty' so I figure one of you is to blame for that."

Claire raises her hand. "My bad."

Jessica adjusts her stance, ready to rumble but no one jumps on Castle yet. "What's the other one? If that's the real Matt on the couch, and Kitty's sneaking around fire escapes - what's the other one?"

Castle tugs his sweatshirt up to show a heavily stitched gash on his side. "One that doesn't have a problem with deadly force. Try not to upset the 'Kitty' and you won't have to meet him," he adds gruffly.

"Oh, Matt," Claire whispers, impulsively pulling him close. She doesn't want anyone else to see how much he's shaking. "I wish I'd known - "

Frank holds out his hands. "Ain't here to make friends or enemies, just here for Red."

"I trust him. He could've turned me in, turned on me - but he's a friend," Matt says softly, just for her. "Maybe more if I would stop trying to kill him. I haven't hurt any of you?"

Claire lets him pull away so she can study his face. "No, but how did you even get here? Luke's covering for you, the Punisher's suddenly ride or die - but you've been gone - "

"We should wait for Curtis," Matt says. "He's the one that found me."

"Who the fuck is that?" Jessica blurts out.

"There's whiskey in the kitchen and Frank needs coffee. I need a break," Matt says, standing up unsteadily. "Better to take a break than have a breakdown," he adds vaguely.

"Five minutes," Frank growls when he disappears into the back.

Jessica yanks Frank to sit down and tries to tower over him. "Who's Curtis?"

"My VA counselor. I served with him," Frank replies and Claire exhales. Breathing is important, _Christ_. "He's got training, medical and psych. He recognized Matt from my case, spotted him at a shelter."

"Matt or 'Kitty'?" Claire asks.

"Second one. He was in rough shape, he's all patchwork now," Frank motions to his abdomen. "Didn't answer to his name but he - he remembered mine."

A stranger appears with Luke and she admires his build for a moment until Jessica elbows her. He gives a friendly wave. "Tell them the rest, Frank. He remembered you _because_ why?"

Claire's impressed that this guy can openly tease the Punisher especially when the fucker blushes. "You had a thing before the building fell on him?"

"Yeah. Not a thing, but we were getting there," Castle mutters. "We're both fucked up."

"What's with the group session? Where's Matt?" the man asks.

He steps out, face freshly washed with dark glasses and his shaking less of a shiver and more of a tremor. "Hey, Curtis. Turns out my alter's been making night visits to my friends," he says.

"Castle says you have training?" Jessica challenges.

"I normally work with vets, most of my training leans that way. But Matt's been through his own kind of war so we're pulling it together," Curtis says kindly as he fist-bumps Matt and steers him to the couch. "So you've met the alley cat? More like a tomcat with all these pretty ladies around here."

"I don't know how he's getting out," Frank sighs. "He's been steady, no blips when he's with me."

Curt turns to Luke expectantly and he shrugs. "I didn't know about the whole DID thing until a few minutes ago, he's been giving out legal advice and being the normal jackass I know when he's with me at the office."

"He's in some shit," Matt says under his breath and Claire taps his knee in agreement.

Curtis turns his full attention on Matt and shifts into parade rest. "All right, Matthew. How do you want to proceed here? Do we need to bust out a whiteboard and some string to make a timeline or do you think you can get your kitty cat to talk to us?"

Matt points toward Claire and she doesn't mention that his aim's off. "I will never forgive you for calling me that."  


* * *

  
"Think of it like a seance," Curtis says. "Everyone get comfortable, don't lose your cool if he gets weird, just politely remind him that we're unarmed and not a threat."

"A seance to call up the devil isn't really promising," Claire points out and the guy winks at her.

"We're not asking for Red," Frank says. "If we find out _he's_ been sneaking out then everyone's going to have a problem."

"How did you get him here? Frank says you met him at a shelter?" Claire asks.

"Nuns," Luke answers, rejoining them with Jessica and Matt with coffee and tea to go around. "Had him down as a John Doe."

Curtis nods. "Right, but he wasn't 'Kitty' there, they had him drugged out of his mind. IV tracks all over him, but they did their best. He asked for his nurse, but I was unfortunately unacquainted. I asked Luke and he said you were unavailable but he got us some fake papers with his new connections."

"He didn't tell me until _after_ he had Cage on the case," Frank mutters.

"You guys didn't tell me he had multiple personality disorder, I've been spinning my wheels on this the whole time," Luke fires back.

"My mental health is a work in progress," Matt says. "Getting out of the apartment and interacting with people who think I'm a crippled lawyer is better than being monitored to see if I'm flipping personalities because I heard the wrong noise."

Claire snorts. " _And_ you have a problem with accepting help and default to secrets."

Jessica flips Matt a rude gesture. "All we had to hear is that you're shacking up with the Punisher and we'd have figured out you're nuts. You don't have to make it more complicated."

"We need this session to be a controlled environment," Curt redirects. "Is everyone steady?"

Matt sighs heavily and leans back, settling his head on Frank's bicep. "Fuck everyone. Fuck everything."

"That's encouraging," Claire smiles.

"Relax. We just want to ask Kitty a few questions," Curtis says.

Matt sighs again and slowly arches his back, blinking curiously since he can't see. "He _hates_ that you call me that."

"You been visiting ladies behind my back, Kitty?" Frank asks in a gentle tone.

He twitches to attention and seems to process Claire, Luke and Jessica in the room, drawing his arms into a defensive position. "Who followed me? I was careful - "

"You're not in trouble," Curt says quickly. "They care about Matthew and want to make sure he's okay. We just want to know where you've been going without telling anyone."

"You visit me," Claire says and 'Kitty' smiles brightly, so wrong, so _young_ , on his face. "And Jessica. Colleen?" He nods.

"Danny's not there. I can't check on him," he says sadly. "She's alone."

"Anyone else? We need to know so we can keep you safe," Luke asks, careful.

"Not always. Sometimes. Fancy and sweet, she cries and I braid her hair until she stops. She combs my hair and shaves my beard close. It's nice. I like her treats," 'Kitty' hums softly.

Claire glances around but Colleen hadn't mentioned physical contact and Jess is shaking her head. "Karen?"

"Marci. She puts buzzy things on my clothes, I always drop them on the subway on my way home," 'Kitty' says. "Karen has too many guns and her window hurts my fingers." He splays his hands out as if to explain. "Misty and Marci leave their windows open, much easier."

Luke flinches beside her and Claire restrains herself from checking on him. He's made his own choices. "Misty?" he asks finally.

"She asks too many questions but she takes off the bad arm for me. It hurts my ears. She always tries to _trap_ me, so I don't go past the window," he says softly, cupping his hands over his ears.

"Isn't she a cop? Shit, Red, you're not making it easy to keep you off the radar," Frank murmurs, stroking his hair fondly.

" **Red** doesn't know. Only tell Red if there's danger, if he needs to fight. He trusts me," 'Kitty' says, making the distinction. "He lets me check on the ones that aren't safe."

"Why aren't they safe?" Curtis asks when no one else breaks the moment. "What would make you consider them safe?"

"Colleen's alone, and - Danny's out of reach if he needs help, he's away," 'Kitty' says in a low hiss. "Everyone knows Claire's name, everyone knows she's important and she's alone - " he slowly lowers himself off the couch and kneels at Jessica's side, leaning his head on her thigh.

"Where is your sister?" he whines mournfully and she visibly pales. "Who takes care of _you_ \- I'm sorry she's _lost_ , but - I'll keep watch so you can sleep - "

"Shut up," Jessica whispers, squeezing the back of his neck until he settles. "Just. Stop talking."

"So much danger, don't be _alone_ ," 'Kitty' murmurs.

Frank shifts and snaps his fingers, catching his full attention. "Come here," he calls softly and 'Kitty' actually obeys, curling against his knee and closing his eyes.

"Can we talk to Matt now? Everyone's safe," Curt adds.

"Okay. Do you want me to stop? I can stop coming inside," 'Kitty' says quietly.

" _Jesus_ ," Jessica hisses. "If you're going to be creeping on us anyway, you better show your fucking face. We get to know you're safe too, asshole."

"Matthew's still making the final call, isn't he? Let him decide," Curt says.

'Kitty' shakes his head sharply. "No. He doesn't get to know. He doesn't want it back. He let them take it away, he doesn't deserve it."

"What's that mean?" Claire asks.

Curtis holds up his hand and everyone glares at him but he keeps his calm. "We talked about this. He didn't take the medications willingly. He hasn't taken any drugs since - "

"You could be putting them in his food, he can't tell because he can't smell. I'll eat for him," 'Kitty' snarls.

"Matthew says his senses aren't as strong.  The convent gave him some heavy drugs for the surgeries and anesthesia has unpredictable effects on patients in normal settings so who knows what it did to him," Curtis explains carefully.

Oh **God** , Matt without his senses - no wonder he's unbalanced.

"Red and Kitty took all the instincts because they're greedy fucks," Frank says even as he strokes 'Kitty's' hair. "Murdock just gets the guilt and the pain."

"Then maybe we need to be talking to Red," Jessica says.  At least she's as alarmed as Claire with the revelation of his sensory hell.

"No," Frank replies. "Too many people here for that."

"Kitty wouldn't let him hurt us," Jessica tests warily.

"He doesn't want to talk, he wants to see who turns on us first," 'Kitty' says.

"He has that little faith in us?" Claire asks.

He hesitates but she doesn't notice a change until Frank pulls his hand back sharply.  "Red," Frank says.

"What is this?" he asks in the Devil growl that still gives her chills after all this time.

"You're among friends, take your time," Curtis says, impeccably patient. "You couldn't expect Kitty's friends to not follow up once he started sniffing around."

'Red' slowly climbs onto the back of the couch, muscles completely taut in fight or flight mode, leaning more toward the 'fight' considering his clenched jaw. There's no mistaking him for 'Kitty' or 'Matthew'.

"He's never going to heal if you keep twisting up his leg," Frank snaps. "You said you weren't pushing him but he doesn't know shit about the kitty's night visits. **Explain**."

"Down a notch, Frank," Curtis warns.

Claire recognizes this Red when he tilts his head toward her and flares his nostrils. His jaw twitches and she raises her hand. "I know _you_. Met you years ago, with the Russians. Do you remember that?"

He flinches and she ignores everyone looking at her. "Yeah, that was you. One of the first times your enemies came after someone you loved, right?"

This isn't a new thing. This has happened before.

"He put you in danger. I should never have let him take the reins unattended after that," 'Red' says. "What do you want? Why did you seek us out?"

"We're worried about our friend and it seems like he's worried about something, too," Claire says. "Can you tell us why Kitty's been visiting us?"

'Red' turns his attention to Luke, angling his body toward him precariously.

"They'll go for your eye," 'Red' says with a curl of his mouth as he pulls a blade from somewhere unseen. "No skin there and poison's on your radar because you stick to sealed bottles," he continues, passing knives to Frank one at a time. She can't look away from the flash of the metal against his thin fingertips.

"Where did you find these, Red?" Frank asks, patient but visibly unsettled by the number of weapons.

Claire realizes Luke's much more unsettled - everyone but 'Red' is on edge.

"I can't take their guns without Matthew noticing their weight, but I can keep you clear of blades in the office," Red says to Luke. "You are the most unsafe of all so we stay here."

"Is that why you send Kitty out?" Claire asks carefully.

"You're all connected to Cage. Danny's in danger and we can't find him. _Matthew_ is _weak_. We give him his time to *heal* and *meditate* but it is not safe." Matt growls. "Until he's willing to let  us deal with the problem, he's not allowed to know there is a problem."

"Jesus, you're incapable of honesty in every incarnation - you're lying to yourself because you're too hurt to beat up bad guys?" Jessica blurts out.

"No, because Matt's still not a killer," Claire realizes.

"I've told you now. I spilled my secrets, it's up to you if you share them with Matthew," 'Red' says.

"Because you're too much of a coward to tell him yourself?" Jessica asks.

"Because he's too much of a coward to face me," Red sneers at her. "All I have to do is take his ears, his _sound_ and he panics like he's drowning, take his skin, his _touch_ and he screams like he's burning alive - he's **weak**. He doesn't deserve his gifts."

"Why are you torturing him?" Claire whispers. "Who's keeping him safe if you're depriving him of his humanity?"

Red tilts his head. "You assume I care."

"I know you do because you remember me," Claire challenges. "I've never judged you - but I can't forgive you for this - you are hurting him without cause." She grabs his wrist and ignores Frank and Curt's gasps of warning. "You are hurting him without a reason."

Matt, Red, whoever, snatches his hand back and sinks into a mostly sitting position at Frank's side. "I will _consider_ it," he hisses. "They've stuck to the terms so far."

"What are the terms?" Luke asks.

"No drugs. No restraints. Nobody pins us down," Red says slowly.

"Then maybe stop punishing him for things he has no control over," Claire replies. "You're triggering him on purpose, you're not giving him a chance to get better."

"Let's all take a breath," Curtis says, holding out his hands. "We're making a lot of progress today but we don't have to move this fast today."

Frank strums his knuckles down Red's spine over his shirt but Claire doesn't mistake Red for Kitty despite the familiarity.

"You don't have his pain," Luke says suddenly. "You don't know that you're hurting him sitting on his bad leg."

"I'm done here," 'Red' hisses, baring his teeth and darting out of the room. Frank's on his heels but pauses at the first sound of retching.

"That's Matt. Give me ten minutes," Frank says, closing the door. Claire doesn't hear the lock click and exhales.

"I think you've got a problem, Luke," Jessica says, gaze locked on the pile of knives.

"I need to do some more Google searches," Curtis sighs. "I didn't come prepared for this kind of thing."

Claire stares at the closed door and makes her decision. "Luke. You need to let Jessica look at all your shit. Me and Curtis are going to handle what's happening here - but you have to - "

"Yes," Jessica insists, reading something Claire doesn't see in his face. "You got involved in the Devil's mess because you wouldn't talk to Claire - this is your fault. Let us help you, Goddammit, Luke."

"Fine. We'll talk. All of us," Luke says, glancing at Claire.

She shakes her head. "No. I don't have the skills to get you out of your bullshit, but I can help Matt." She meets Curt's eyes to avoid looking at Luke. "Frank Castle gives me hives, okay, I don't trust him because I was at the hospital when - don't hold it against me. I'm here for Matt."

"Of course not," Curtis says, squeezing her hand kindly. "I make no apologies for Frankie, but he's got a way with Murdock."

"I noticed," Claire replies. "Jessica, show me where that whiskey is while Luke takes care of all the sharp objects."  


* * *

  
"Multiple personality disorder? Oh, thank _God_ , I thought it was something serious," Marci interrupts, downing her drink in visible relief.

"You don't think that's serious?" Claire blinks at her.

"From what little I've pieced together, his ex was a zombie so no, I don't think a treatable mental health issue is as serious as being resurrected by magical ninjas," Marci replies.

She can't argue with that.

"At first, I thought he was haunting Foggy and got lost or something, but - he used to sleepwalk in college, you know?" Marci continues, slowly relaxing as if she's wrapped her head around the whole problem. "He dated one of my sorority sisters and we had a whole protocol for what to do if we found him wandering the halls."

"Call Foggy?" Claire suggests, imagining college Matt fumbling around.

"God no, he's like clucking chicken when it comes to Matt. There's a reason I haven't told him about his visits," Marci sobers. "More like that ASMR stuff, talking real quiet and making sure all touching and talking is soft. He's so thin, so twitchy that I thought he was on drugs but - the DID makes sense. Have you seen him baseline?"

Claire takes a swallow of her beer. "How do you know so much?"

"Privileged white girl over here, family's full of mental problems. Got a couple of eating disorders under my belt, Mom's bipolar, sister's paranoid schizophrenic - shit, lady, we are a walking pharmaceutical ad at holidays. My aunt's second wife still calls it MPD, she's been over it for years but I remember days when she was Uncle Jack sometimes instead of Aunt Jacqueline. She didn't get to babysit a lot," Marci shrugs.

"Well, you've got more experience than the rest of us. Foggy hasn't seen him?" Claire asks.

"No and he would have told me. I don't think Matt can get into his new building from the outside, the windows don't really open," Marci says. "I know we're here to get drunk, but can I fucking see him? Like, is he available for visits when he can understand complete sentences?"

Claire doesn't think she has the authority for that but the woman's easy acceptance of Matt's damning situation puts a different light on it.

"Look, I've known Matt a long time and his death is fucking up my boyfriend. Okay? Okay," Marci hisses. "He'll trust me more if he's himself - I've known him forever. We've been through things together. I want to talk to him."

"We've all been through 'things' together, no offense, but our first visit went sideways fast," Claire admits.

Marci turns to her with eyes of steel. "I can help. Not with the parkour or the MMA stuff, but with the mental health - tag me in."

"I'll check. I'm really glad you agreed to meet me, I have to admit - I'm pretty fucking terrified he's not going to make it through this. He doesn't - he's a regular blind guy," she says in a low voice if only to get Marci to relax again instead of glaring knives at her for not taking her to him immediately.

"So?" Marci scoffs, motioning for another drink. "That means he can focus his full attention on putting his head back together and not what kind of laundry soap I used. Is he eating?"

Claire's surprised at the question but the woman had mentioned an eating disorder. "Not enough, not regular. It's complicated."

"Orthorexia nervosa," Marci says. "He'll eat natural, fresh and organic stuff. It's not a recognized thing, and Foggy Bear broke him of it, mostly - but if he's having a flare, there's diet and research that he'll recognize from our Lent Challenge of sophomore year when we swore off clean eating. Chemophobia counts, too, if you can get him to eat more than fruits and vegetables - the less processed, the better."

She sends a text to Curtis to bring it up sooner rather than later. "That helps. We had some hints that this might not be a completely new thing," she admits.

"DID was never on our list, I minored in psych for a while and we had profiles on everyone. Clinically depressed, anxiety disorders and OCD, sure thing, but not DID," Marci says thoughtfully. "I know how to feed him, though even his alter knows I won't give him bad food."

"We'll add it to the list. The disassociation goes beyond just personalities, be aware if he turns up on your fire escape - he may have no concept of physical pain. We're trying to make his 'alters' more attentive to their impact on his recovery."

"Jesus. I'll bring all the heating pads I own ," Marci says. "Thank God he's just crazy. So much easier to explain."  


* * *

  
"Claire," Matt smiles when she arrives the next afternoon loaded up with library books and bags of 'Marci-approved' food.

It takes a moment before she smiles back. "You got your senses?"

"Not the same, but some. Curt and Frank say that's down to you. Thank you," he says, embracing her warmly once she puts down her load.

She squeezes hard but doesn't forget his injuries and raises her hand to his face when he lets go. "You're not broken but your head's a little glitchy right now. They don't let you feel?"

"' _They_ ' is a loaded pronoun, isn't it?" he laughs tiredly. "It's all me. They're both me. God help us all if there are any more hiding in here. I can smell which means I can taste. So far it's been very helpful with Frank's meal plan."

"Marci can help with that," Claire says, motioning to the bags.

Matt freezes. "Marci. Why - oh _no_."

"Oh yes, Kitty gets around. She dropped some pretty big words on me over drinks, threatened to ruin my already spotty credit if I don't let her see you within three days and told me all about your sorority house hijinks," Claire says.

"Lies," Matt says automatically but there's something fond on his face.

"You have a history of sleepwalking and eating problems, which we didn't know about. She says she treats Kitty like she treated you in undergrad," Claire says. "Are you here alone?"

" _Hi, Claire!_ " Danny's voice echoes from the other room.

"He's on Skype," Matt waves vaguely confused. "Colleen called him, apparently? I really don't know them that well, is he really this 'friendly' all the time? Frank's in the back."

Claire needs to handle this issue today and waves for the laptop as she takes over the den. "My turn, Danny, call him back, you loser."

"Tell me how you ended up with Castle as your plus one," Claire asks, hoping the Punisher doesn't have super-hearing.

She's optimistic when he visibly relaxes and smiles slightly. "Really? You want to talk about boys?" he teases.

"You're giving me a lot of things to deal with, Murdock, you can at least explain the part I understand the least about," Claire replies.

Matt nods, humming softly under his breath. "You know we lost the firm. I lost it. _Everything_. Foggy, Elektra - Karen. Everything. I wasn't in a good place."

"Noted, but not helping your argument," Claire says, taking his hand. He smiles so she knows he can feel it. Red's an asshole she doesn't want to meet again.

"I ran into him at church. Not my regular one, haven't faced my priest in too long," Matt confesses. "He didn't want to go in, but his counselor had been hassling him about it. We went in together, hit up the bar after. He - he's a good listener. He's the reason I started taking cases again, stopped drinking every night. We always said therapy wouldn't work on us so we could figure it out without paying someone else."

She doesn't expect any of those answers.

"He's pretty angry that I didn't tell him about Elektra's resurrection. We'd talked about her death enough that he knows - I get tunnel vision with her. I - I had to try," Matt says carefully. "He would have stopped me, but I had to try."

"Of course you did," she sighs, squeezing his fingers. "I just wish you'd try as hard to save yourself."

"You think there's anything left of me worth saving?" he huffs dryly. "Because I'm on the fence right now."

"Maybe that's why your protective instincts finally decided to switch on in unexpected ways because you're the only one that's thinking like that," she says. "You have been through some shit."

The bedroom door opens slightly and Matt lowers his voice. "I can ask him to leave, I didn't know you were coming."

"No," Claire decides. "Maybe when Marci visits but I need to discuss your meal plan with the guy you're shacking up with."

"He has his own place but I like the sheets here," Matt shrugs. Frank steps out with a drowsy nod of greeting toward her, scratching at his eye.

"Kitty doesn't follow you home when you don't stay?" Claire asks the Punisher, taking a chance.

Frank pauses to thoroughly fuck up Matt's hair with his fingers before he answers. "Only reason Kitty trusts me is because I 'smell' like Matt. The alters are very specific about who gets to put hands on him." He shuffles toward the kitchen. "Cage should've brought you in sooner - you're one of the few people he trusts unquestionably."

Her anger flares at the reminder that she's been kept pointedly out of the loop.

"Don't be angry at him - "

"Don't tell me how to feel," Claire cuts him off. "It didn't work between us but we were still supposed to be friends.  He knows you're important to me," She closes her eyes in frustration when her voice cracks. "Did you really ask for me? At the convent when Curtis found you?"

"I don't remember much of that. The drugs, and - pretty sure the 'split' happened there. I didn't have any sensation, taste or smell - just sound. Psychosomatic or not, it's all...fuzz. But Luke offered to get you, as soon as I came out of it, he asked if I wanted him to call you and I made him promise not to reach out."

She takes a breath. "He knew you three days.  He knew me much longer - his loyalty should have been to **me**.  If I'd been here..."

"You're here now. Frank's right, every part of me trusts you. I don't deserve it, Claire but - thank you for being here. You can blame Luke for anything else, but not for this. Do I need to kick his ass for breaking your heart?"

"Oh, you're not dating Cage? Make sure she gets Curt's number," Frank says as he steps in. "There's food in here, do you trust me to wash it?"

"I'll do it. Marci knows what I like and I'd really like to keep breakfast down," Matt says.

"There are eggs from a chicken she swears you know by name," Claire smiles. He laughs and trails his fingers down Frank's arm to tease his fingertips as he passes.

"Mrs. Edna has a chicken coop on her roof garden, I helped her with some legal issues," Matt says. "Protein's good for the meal plan."

"You saw Marci?" Frank asks her quietly, settling by the window. "How'd she take it?"

"Surprisingly well. She has some family history, but I don't think she knows as much about the Devil part of the equation. She seems to think Foggy's told her everything, but tread carefully," Claire suggests.

Frank shakes his head. "I won't meet her. Got a cover from the government, but I don't want any extra eyes on me," he adds quietly. "I don't want to mess up whatever chance I'm on right now."

She can respect that.

"I thought he was gone for good," Frank continues, softer. "Don't know what I would've - I'm glad he's alive, no matter how many pieces he's in."

"Amen," Claire concedes.

There's a pleased sound from the kitchen and Matt's chuckle is a nice surprise. " _I know the goat that made this cheese!_ "

"Farm animals weren't in the brochure," Frank snorts.  "Definitely warn me if the Marci lady is on the visitation schedule."  


* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Opening tag belongs to Richard Siken.


End file.
